Pet's Aren't So Bad, Right?
by FickleArtist
Summary: Pets are unhygienic disease carriers, so why did he let her talk him into keeping one?


Frowning, Double D held up the remains of yet another one of his hats and gave the culprit a disapproving look; a young cat sitting on its back legs to swat at the tattered bits of fabric above its head. Pets were so tiresome to look after and deal with, which was why he'd never bothered to ask his parents for one growing up. Hardly anyone in their cul-de-sac had owned a pet growing up now that he thought of it, farm animals and fish excluded of course. He loved having things kept neat and orderly, one reason science had been his first love that went on to consume a large part of his life. Science allowed the normally chaotic elements of nature to be put into a system that could then make sense of the chaos, usually showing it all to be relatively consistent patterns with a bit of variability but ultimately brought order to chaos. Biological beings were by nature more difficult to fit into this system he adored so. Organisms higher on the evolutionary tree tended to make a mess with their files full of exceptions and mysteries that baffled logical explanation which was why he had kept a plant as a 'pet'. Plants were more driven by a definite pattern that was highly predictable once conditions were made and kept suitable than an animal. Although he forgot what made him choose a cactus or why it was named Jim, maybe Ed had been the cause of that?

In any case he'd had no desire for any type of pet. Yes he'd kept ant colonies from time to time but that was for science. At one point he decided that if he absolutely had to keep a pet in his apartment to please a roommate or significant other it couldn't be a mammal. Reptiles could be contained to a tank and weren't highly demanding as far as their own needs were concerned but anything with fur was a definite no. Mammals were extremely messy, tended to destroy personal items, carried a wide range of diseases, needed to be able to roam outside a cage, and in some cases would have to be regularly walked. Not to mention the parasites that they could be infected with and don't even get him started on the thought of fleas in his pristine apartment. No he preferred having an animal-free living space for the remainder of his life, perhaps a plant that lured insects to their demise if he ever decided to keep another non-human life form in his home.

Well, that was his thinking until Marie Kanker managed to weasel her way back into his life. She'd inadvertently moved into the same town as him two years after high school to attend a technical school while he was busy completing a triple major at university. The shock of seeing each other by chance one day in the campus library had been short lived as he'd quickly run off. To his horror that wasn't the last time he saw her. Far more stubborn than either of her sisters, Marie found his usual spot in a corner on the fourth floor and seemed to live there for the following month with her nose buried in some book on car mechanics. Deeply ingrained lessons on politeness led to him inquiring into her life since they'd graduated. Her sisters were still in their hometown, May couldn't bring herself to leave their mother alone and Lee, while living on her own, stayed close to make sure her sister and mom took care of themselves. As for the middle sister, she was learning how to fix different types of vehicles so she could earn a decent wage as a mechanic.

Once she'd asked how the other Ed's were doing, a question he couldn't answer. After leaving for university his parents moved to another state and he'd lost touch with his childhood friends, make that everyone. What was worse was that no part of him regretted the falling out with them. Years of friendship had been thrown away so easily you'd have thought Edd was ashamed of the two men he'd once called his friends. An avian obsessed sci-fi geek and a vertically challenged amateur swindler, no one could have blamed him had that been the case but it wasn't. He accepted the end of the friendships as a part of life that is an unfortunate certainty. Parents lie when they tell their young children that friendship lasts forever when in fact very few last into adulthood. It wasn't until the college years that more permanent friendships were formed so losing the other Ed's hadn't surprised him that much. Perhaps if his parents hadn't moved, they'd still be friends.

However he had made a handful of new friends, mostly other science loving graduate students. And soon Marie became included, not because they were actually friends, more because she was simply around him too much to be considered a mere acquaintance. His new friends liked her so they included her in their gatherings more often than he liked. Memories of being chased, pinned, and kissed still haunted him too much to be completely at ease around her, not that she didn't try to remedy that in a backwards Kanker sort of way. Personal space was invaded constantly whether it was simply sitting too close, walking up behind him while he was reading and resting her head on top of his, or falling asleep on him during movie marathons. When confronted about it she smiled and said 'habituation'.

Oddly enough it was working, without other Ed's to fuel a herd mentality that shying away from the female's forced contact was in his best interest, the young genius slowly began to relax around her. All too soon for his liking he was behaving less like a frightened Ed facing a dreaded Kanker and more like an awkward male who had no idea how to behave around a woman. And Marie was more than willing to take full advantage of it. Teasing until poor Double D was bright red became the norm for them, at times tugging his hat down over his eyes to try to avoid the situation.

One day shortly before winter holidays she offered to let him join her going back to their hometown. Maybe he could reconnect with his friends while they were there. Politely he declined her offer, the very thought of facing Eddy's fury or the kicked puppy look in Ed's eyes were more than he could bear. Some things were left better as they were as far as he was concerned. This resulted in the blue haired woman scoffing at him and, for the first time ever, she actually ignored him. If this is what the Kankers felt like through their childhood, having their existence ignored by the boys they liked, he wondered why they didn't hate him and the other Ed's. Just on a friendship level that was painful. But he couldn't go back, there were some parts about being an Ed he didn't want to fall back into. Even though it was a long shot, Marie had always been the more reasonable sister but once her mind was set on something it was nearly impossible to change, he explained his reasons for not wanting to go home. Reasons she didn't quite understand but respected all the same. However he wouldn't be let off that easily.

Rather than return home with her, Double D would have to spend the holidays with her since everyone else would return home for a time and she refused to let him spend a family oriented holiday alone. Kankers might not be the most touchy-feely family but they don't mess around when it comes to being with family on special occasions. Her family would understand why she was sticking around with an old crush rather than going home to be with them. So began the process of Marie Kanker invading his apartment.

Technically it was a two person apartment but the scholarship and grants he received allowed him to pay the rent on his own so bedroom number two had become a makeshift laboratory. A choice he deeply regretted when the woman decided to crash at his place one night. She'd slept on the couch, giving him a heart attack the next morning when he walked out in just his sleeping pants to find her raiding his fridge. Soon a few of her possessions were being left in an out-of-the-way corner and they started staying up late talking about futures, dreams, stupid things from their past, and other meaningless topics. It was…comfortable having her around all the time to talk to. Theories about her only being street smart went out the window, her advice wasn't sugar coated or edited to appeal to anyone, and while she was still pushy, he was pleasantly surprised to find that she was willing to work on certain behaviors that truly made him uncomfortable. In exchange he did the same, taking any criticism with a grain of salt, and opening up in a way he didn't think possible. Humans were deceitful, a trait that aided in survival but was detrimental in earning trust, so he never shared his thoughts or feelings in full to another person. After all it was only a matter of time before they betrayed you or used it to get you to do what they wanted, Eddy had threatened more than once to tell others what was under his hat despite knowing how distressing his friend would be by it. So why was he so open with her?

'Life works in mysterious ways' comes to mind. While walking around on campus the day before Christmas to admire the festive lights, bundled up against the cold, they passed under an archway with a small plant hanging from the top. Nothing had to happen, she didn't see it and he could easily have pretended he hadn't either, but that wasn't what happened. Pushing her hat up a little, he'd pressed his lips to her temple. Silence followed as they continued down the path to see the last few light displays until a tug on his sleeve made him stop to look at his companion. Confusion and a glimmer of hope at what he'd done was obvious on her face. It must have showed that he was equally as uncertain of his previous action because Marie shook her head with a smile.

One good thing that had happened since falling out with the Ed's was a bit of a confidence boost in the once socially awkward Edd. Slightly different from the confidence he showed when talking about something science related, science was backed by facts and studies, confidence in one's self required faith. Faith was a strange thing that seemed to go against the very basis of science a majority of the time yet faith was needed to try a new experiment whose outcome was unseen. That newfound confidence is what led to him taking her hand as they started walking again, tucking it away in his pocket with his own to keep warm. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a blush that was soon hidden behind blue hair.

Weeks of working out feelings, figuring out a compromise given their different temperaments, and a few more chaste kisses led to the pair becoming a couple. Differences in personalities made the beginning difficult to say the least. There were a couple of…well they couldn't really be called arguments as they normally resembled debates in which both sides tried to out reason the other. Stubbornness wasn't a trait commonly used to describe him but he could be so when he chose, sometimes more so than her. Eventually they found middle ground that was agreeable to both parties that made the relationship work. Most weekends they could be found at one or the other's apartment curled up on the couch or in an armchair watching movies, often times discussing something entirely unrelated to what was playing on the screen. Friends found it funny that the pair was more likely to be found sleeping on some piece of living room furniture than in a bed. All in all a peaceful way to spend the first few months of a romantic partnership. But of course all good things must come to an end.

Late one night there had been a knock at his apartment door and Double D had thought perhaps his girlfriend had once again forgotten to take her keys with her before leaving for work that morning. As it turned out, she hadn't, instead she had a request. In her arms was a box that turned out to contain three tiny kittens that she wanted to keep at his place since pets were allowed in his complex but not her's. Initially he'd refused, not even wanting them to stay the night so that they could be taken to a shelter in the morning. Pleads and promises were said that made him give in, they could stay the night.

From the looks of them they'd been maybe two months old at the time, abandoned by some unfeeling person who'd neglected to get their cat spayed. That night had been hard, one didn't make it. Marie begged him to let her try to get them better before taking them to a shelter, sick and scrawny as they were the remaining two would most likely be put down. Against his better judgment the man agreed, having as little to do with the felines as possible while his girlfriend temporarily moved in to care for them. Unfortunately the larger of the two didn't last long so he was very surprised when after a week the runt was still hanging on. After two weeks it began to show signs of improvement. As the kitten gained strength the pair had their first fight. Fleas from the kittens had multiplied triggering disgust from the man that wasn't aided when the kitten's stomach began to distend from internal parasites. He wanted it out but she insisted it wasn't that bad. Now old enough for a flea treatment she could easily take care of the external parasites and go buy medicine to take care of the internal ones. Still he didn't like the way she seemed to be gathering supplies as if she'd already decided to keep it. An allegation she denied. He didn't want a pet, she knew where he stood on them, and still he was convinced to let it stay a little longer.

To his displeasure he came home after class one day to see a healthy, now parasite free kitten chasing a feather toy around his apartment. What was worse, Marie was calling it by a name.

"Hey lover."

Letting his bag fall to the floor, he crossed his arms. "I've asked you not to call me that Marie. Now would you kindly explain why a clearly healthy kitten is running around?"

"Well…" She refused to meet his gaze.

"Marie, we agreed he would go to a shelter once he was strong enough. From what I see he's ready to go and wait to be adopted."

"Can't we keep him? What if he sits in a cage for the rest of his life?"

"I don't want any pets."

"I'll take care of him."

She sounded like a child trying desperately to get their parents to agree to keep a stray. He was in no mood for it.

"So you're going to practically live here to take care of him and pay rent for an apartment you'll never use?"

"Well when you put it like that I should probably just move in with you."

"Exactly." Wait, that wasn't the respond he'd anticipated and that certainly wasn't the response he'd have given!

The smug look on her face told him she'd planned on this happening.

"That is not – I didn't – I mean…" And he was only making it worse.

"You don't want me to move in?"

"I have no objections to you moving in but –"

"You never said he couldn't stay as long as I take care of him."

For a moment he stared at her before shutting himself in his bedroom. It hadn't taken much more than some suggestive comments from her to get him to agree on both counts.

And that was why there was a year old black and white cat yanking the remains of a hat from his hands to play with. Sighing, he was glad Marie started keeping a stash of extra hats around the apartment as he tended to leave them lying out where the little demon get them. Why the cat loved tearing them apart was a mystery to him. Tolerant was the best way to describe how he felt about the cat on a daily basis. There were times he'd venture to say he actually liked it, lazy weekend mornings when he woke up to find his girlfriend curled up beside him and the cat on his other side. Almost as if it knew his approval was needed to allow it to continue residing with them. Other times he woke up to find her sleeping on the couch after a long night of studying with the cat by her side. Those were the times he liked the cat, every now and then he could be coaxed into playing with it or into letting it lay in his lap with he worked on his computer. However times like these he wanted nothing more than to go back in time and take it to a shelter while Marie was at work.

"Lucifer!" At the sound of Marie's voice the cat darted into the bedroom with the hat in its mouth to add to his ever growing collection.

"You owe me another hat."

"I know, I know. Maybe he wants you to stop wearing them." She joked.

"I like wearing my hats."

"Yeah, yeah."

Walking over to him, Marie hugged her boyfriend. Nearly a year and a half of dating and butterflies still fluttered in her stomach whenever she called him boyfriend, even if it was in her own thoughts. Probably because she spent so long chasing after him and still couldn't believe her luck when he asked her out. He relaxed at her touch, arms circling her waist to pull her closer as he kissed her temple.

A sudden crash from the next room made her laugh, cat definitely knew how to ruin a moment.

"Stupid cat."

"You love him."

"Love is far too strong a word."

"Whatever lover."

"Go see what your cat broke."

As she went to see what had been knocked over he began to pick up bits of the hat off the floor.

"To tell you the truth, I _really_ hated cats before we got Luce."

"Then why did you bring three of them home?!"

"What better excuse to move in with your boyfriend than to have a pet together?"

"Marie Kanker you sneaky little –"

"Love you too Double D."


End file.
